My Parents

As you've noticed the last couple of days I have been my parents chauffeur/errand guide.

My dad still isn't 100% after his fall, add in his neuropathy and arthritis and he's nothing short of slow moving. It's frustrating for him and bums him out. Not exactly the plan he had in mind when he imagined life one year after retirement.

My mom has hurt her back again. She has a bad back anyway, add in lupus, arthritis and other ailments and she's not great either. Add in her doing the extra stuff my dad can't do because she is stubborn and can't/won't ask for extra help and she's just thrown everything out of whack again.

She's some better but driving really hurts her back. So Friday I took them to the grocery store and today we got Walmart shopping out of the way. It kills her to ask/accept help, but she doesn't have any other choice.

She was sneaking around and mowing their grass and added more insult to injury in her back/hip department. The neighbor guy is now doing it. Jason and my brother-in-law Billy both offered their help but when asked she kept saying it didn't need mowing. Next thing we know she'd been out mowing. So frustrating!

After much prompting and prodding I finally convinced her to let me take them to the store. She was quiet the whole trip, which is unlike her. No grumbling or complaining, not even once. She seemed a bit defeated but was grateful after the fact because she readily admitted she would not have made it without my help. I carried in all their stuff when we got home and put things away in the freezer/basement that needed to go down there.

Same with Walmart today. My dad uses a walker and it's hard to carry stuff and hold on to the walker too, so I carried in their stuff.

The girls were happy to get out, happy to see Nanie and Pop-A, and I got my stuff too. Killed a few birds with one stone, so to speak.

I hate to see my parents like this. I make sure to call them daily, usually a couple times a day to make sure they've gotten out of bed and are doing okay. I always check in before bedtime too to make sure they are settled in for the night. It's not always easy because when my mom isn't feeling well she can be pretty unpleasant. There are days I have to talk myself into calling because I know she will be difficult to deal with, but I make myself do it. I'd never forgive myself if I didn't call and they were laying there needing help or something.

My mom worries about asking me for help as I have the girls. My sister works and has a daughter too. My brother is 30-35 minutes away, and they have their things to do as well, not to mention my brother still isn't 100% from knee surgery in January. I don't mind, I keep telling her that, but she still feels badly. I guess I feel like I owe them for all of the great things they do and have done for me, Jason and my girls.

My mom's negativity sometimes interferes with her relationship with my sister. Some days it's hard for Becky to deal with the negativity and pessimism. If she knows mom's "in a mood" she won't call for a few days as it's hard to process sometimes. I know my mom doesn't mean to be like that, but that doesn't make it any easier. Especially when your dealing with things in your own life and your stress or patience levels are 100% anyway.


I looked at my parents while they were grocery shopping on Friday night. They looked more frail and fragile than I remembered, or maybe more so that I wanted to admit. See in my mind I'm still in my late teens early 20's and my parents are still in their 40's-50's and healthy and robust. It's rough. After my dad's fall it was clear to me that they aren't as tough as they used to be. That can be a tough pill to swallow as a child when thinking of your parents. I guess I try and keep that in mind when dealing with them. I think the guilt would be too much to bear for me if I acted any other way and then something happened to them. After my sister passed away it reiterated to me that you should treat others good while they are here, because once they are gone, you can't fix the past and sometimes it's hard to deal with after the fact. I remember grumbling to Jason's step-mom a few months after Maggie passed away that my mom was so grumpy and grouchy anymore. She told me to "Take it easy on her, losing a child is the worst thing a person can go through. It truly makes you go a little crazy and you definitely lose part of yourself". She spoke with some experience as she'd had a stillborn daughter and it was very hard for her. I try and keep that in mind too. My mom has gone through some pretty intense and incredible stuff in her life, it's part of what makes her who she is. She's done so much for my brothers and sisters, for our whole family. Even on her "difficult days" when I have to keep saying that over and over, I am still thankful to have her and my dad for parents. They make me who I am as a mother, daughter, sister, aunt and friend.

Being an adult stinks sometimes!