Out of Sync

Nope, not a new boy-band, just my mood. Do you ever feel like that? Just out of sync with everything? That's me.

I think part of it is the weather.

Part of it is my 90-year old body.

I'm tired of Jason and the whole night-shift thing. (I know everyone is tired of hearing me whine about that and I'm sorry, truly I am). I think my body wouldn't hurt so bad if Jason was here in the evenings to help out more often with bathing, diapering, lifting in/out of high chairs for snack time/teeth brushing/putting in cribs for bed. Somedays it's just frustrating. It's been a year now that his transfer has been in and nothing yet. I am tired of having 100% of all the responsiblities fall on me every night. I'm tired of sleeping alone. I'm tired of having to tip toe around the house during the day trying to stay as quiet as someone with small kids can. I'm tired of running errands in the evening and having to hurry home so he can get ready for work.

I also think my expectations of my husband are too high for him to ever be able to achieve. I love him with all my heart, but some days I want to strangle him! (Not literally in case anyone is fearing for his safety right now). There are just things he could do, that he doesn't. I don't think he intends to, for some reason he's just wired different and "doesn't think about stuff like that". **Sigh** Somedays I feel alone, even though I have Jason and my girls and my family and a few good friends. Sometimes I talk to Jason and I know he doesn't hear a word I've said. If I were square and black and came in HD I know he would hear/see/listen/pay attention to me. Maybe I need to talk in sports lingo to him, maybe whatever language I am using is just foreign to him. I should throw in a touch-down here or a home-run there. Then maybe it would sink it.

I think this is all normal and such, but maybe writing it down will help me feel more in-sync. I have a lot of responsiblity and although I am 34 I think that's still pretty young.

Okay, whine over, you may now resume your regularly scheduled programming.

My 90-Year Old Body

As I previously posted I hurt my back. It was feeling some better when I went for my physical on Tuesday so that was good. I went to the chiropractor on Wednesday and while the sound of my bones cracking is very disturbing to me, it did make me feel even better. Dr. M informed me that the muscle pain would get better over a few days since I strained all my lower back muscles. He gave me some tips on how better to pick up the girls and how to protect my back when performing as the human pack mule. So I was feeling good.

Fast forward to today and Jason and I taking the girls out to dinner before they forget how to act in a restaurant. I am putting Morgan in her car seat and turn just the wrong way and I feel the muscles pull and I feel horrible pain all over again.

Tonight I will reacquaint myself with my Alleve and my heating pad. **Sigh**

A Conversation With My 6-Year Old

Kori: Your wearing THAT to take me to school?
Me: (Looking down at my red long-john knit shirt with a cat on it and my red flannel pajama pants with cats ALL over them). Uh yes, they are very warm and I'm cold, so this is it.

Kori: O-kay. (Shakes her head as she walks off)
Me: I don't get out of the car and I will have my coat on. (I put on tennis shoes and socks for those that are wondering).

So I think it's done and over with. Off we go to school. I must state that in the 5 months since I've been taking her I usually put on some "real" clothes before we leave. Usually it's my standard "mom uniform" consisting of a sloppy t-shirt that I am comfortable getting a variety of body fluids, food, beverages, cleaning supplies, cat/dog hair etc. on as I go about my day. But it's clothes nonetheless. Today I was just cold and felt comfy so I just ran with it.

As we were driving along to school our conversation about my attire started up again (much to my dismay).

Kori: Mom if you ever wore your pajamas to the mall it would be embarassing for you. And it would CERTAINLY be embarassing for Daddy and the girls and I.
Me: Well Kori I would never wear my pajamas to the mall. (I am thinking to myself that I will NEVER wear them again to take her to school either cause it isn't worth the drama she's giving me either at 9am).

Kori: Well I'm just saying. I love you Mommy.
Me: Thanks for looking out for me Kori, I love you too.

**Sigh** What's a mom got to do to be comfy just once every blue moon?

This interruption was brought to you by...

computer trouble! Gotta love computers! It was sick and went to the computer doctor and all is well, with the computer anyway.

I hate to start my return with whining, but I can't help it. I've hurt my back somehow and I'm in the most horrible pain I think I've ever felt in my life, including childbirth. I was literally awake all night last night, falling asleep shortly after 7am this morning. It was a LONG and miserable night. I took a vicodin, no help from that. Tonight I took two, still no relief. It was a struggle lifting and tending to the girls today, but I managed. That's what I do. I don't have any other options, I just have to keep going.

My husband...well I won't go there. He half-heartedly offered to stay home, but it just seemed like effort on his part and I figured why bother. Does anyone else ever feel that way? Like your a burden? I do and I hate it. I don't know if he means it to be like that, or if it's something I just imagine, but I feel it. Like he's using his precious vacation time for nonsense. I managed to vacuum the kitchen floor twice today, put away a basket of laundry for the trio, do 4 loads of laundry and clean up dinner mess. It was only hot dogs and macaroni and cheese for the kiddos, but still dishes anyway. The toys in the family room were left out. Jason told me to leave them and he'd get them tomorrow. He knows that won't happen. I don't leave toys out overnight. It bothers me and interrupts my peaceful end of the day feeling I like to have.

My mom offered to help, but all kidding aside, that would be like the blind leading the blind. Her and my dad can barely get around to do the bare minimums for themselves, factor in my four kids, and my stairs and my house...well you get the idea. I appreciated the offer though. Sometimes I just feel so frustrated to feel so alone. (Insert pity-party music here). I know it's because I feel so, well, for lack of better words, shitty. I talked to Cathy (my sister-in-law) today and she offered to help, but she's got my brother to tend to since he just had knee surgery. I feel frustrated that I feel like I can't catch a break sometimes. The girls (all four of them) have runny noses, coughs and just overall crankiness.

Tonight I put the trio down at 8:20. They finally went to sleep at 11:20. I put Alexis' pajama pants on 11 times. I put Kamryn's on 3 times. Tonight I just wanted everyone to go to sleep so I could cry and be miserable alone, and that just wasn't the case. Murphy's Law I suppose. Kori was restless and said her tummy was bothering her. I think she was just too warm in her long sleeve gown. After ditching one of her two covers she was cooler and fast asleep. **Sigh**

My brother emailed me pictures of Cody from court warming yesterday. He looked so handsome! Becky and I helped him pick out a new shirt and tie. The shirt color was called "vine". It was a wonderful green color and he had an awesome matching diamond patterned tie. He was so handsome! I am so proud of the young man that he is growing up to be. I hope he continues on the right path. I'll kick his rear if he doesn't and he knows that! He is a great young man and I love him very much!

Got Kori's M&M's to take to school for her "100 day" party on Friday. Got Becky's birthday present too. It was hell getting in and out of the car for my couple of errands today, but I managed.

Kori decided that she'd like to do a "jeweled shirt" for her 100 day item she has to make to wear on Friday. She's also doing a noodle bracelet or necklace. So sometime between now and Thursday night I must affix 100 jewels to her pink shirt she picked out. Then we're going to trim each jewel with glitter glue. Bling-bling! She's very excited.

Well I've whined enough. I promise to be more posty now that the puter has returned! Pray this back pain goes away...SOON!

Rambling

Today is a snow day. Kori was very excited. We got about 3-4 inches here in the northland. Not to mention it's freezing cold.

The last couple of days have been interesting. My sister went to the ER on Tuesday night with mystery joint pain and swelling. It's been determined it's probably arthritis. I told her turning 29 is rough on your body, and she still has a few days yet.

I started feeling cruddy on Tuesday night as well. I had too many nights with too little sleep and I think it caught up with me. Sick kids, worry about, well everything, I think it took it's toll. I slept from 12:15 Tuesday night until 8:00 Wednesday morning. Took Kori to school and laid back down when I got home as the trio hadn't gotten up yet. (They slept from 9pm until 11:20!!!!). I felt awful when I got up and Alexis didn't look too hot either. She'd been pretty calm and quiet the last couple of days which just isn't her nature. After some milk and oatmeal for the girls Alexis and I went to lay on the couch. She was nice and still for about 30 minutes or so before sitting up and puking all over me and the couch. Yummy! She then promptly went to play with her sisters. Well, I'm glad she felt better. Thankfully Jason was off and helped with the cleanup.

About 1:45 I felt worse, just fevery, achy and yucky all over so I retreated to lie down. I slept off and on until 5:30. Felt better when I got up, not great but better.

Alexis never did puke again and acted better in the evening. She has a bit of a cold and I'm thinking the milk didn't mix well with her drainage (sorry--TMI) and up it came. So hopefully that is that and we're on the mend. I feel better today and am around and doing more. I had some laundry to catch up and floors to vacuum. You know, fun stuff. At least things are better today.

Kamryn started off the day on a sour note. Her and Morgan were competing on who was going to get the first glass of milk this morning. Well Kamryn decided she was going to be the winner so she bit Morgan...on the face. It left a mark and Morgan just cried so hard. I felt so badly for her. It just broke my heart! In nineteen months I don't think I've ever heard her cry so hard. It was so pitiful. Kamryn has done this before, but this time it was really hard, gotta figure out a way to handle the biting...it's always something.

I am now in a quandary. Kori is having her "100 day celebration" at school on 1/31. She has to design an article of clothing that has to be decorated with 100 somethings. It can be buttons, sequins, drawings, whatever. The paper said "Be Creative". Great, I lack severely in this department. I thought about affixing 100 lifesavers to a t-shirt but then worried she'd look like a bachelorette out at the bars with one of those "Suck for a Buck" shirts where people pay you a dollar to pull off one of your lifesavers with their teeth. (Sadly I had one at my bachelorette party). So I think that option is out. I'm still mulling it over...I'm hoping to get hit with a jolt of creativity soon.

Well that's it for me for now I suppose. Thought I should update so that everyone knows I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I need a day with about 36 hours in it...that would help out some.

Going Through The Big D!

Nope not divorce. The other D that usually goes along with a stomach virus. I'll put it like that to make it not so gross. Kori has been sick since Wednesday night. She missed school Thursday and Friday due to it. There was no way I was sending her to school, even though she didn't feel poorly. I wasn't going to let her go and be "that kid" that has an accident at school because her parents weren't smart enough to keep her home. She totally needed to be close to the bathroom. It finally stopped Friday night and things are much better. Alexis had some yesterday but no more today. I hope that's the last of it. Sayonara GI bug!

Jason and I started a puzzle last night. He worked on it with me for about an hour before heading to bed. I stayed up until almost 3am and had about 350 or so of the 500 pieces put together. I finished it today during the girls' naptime. Kori helped me and I let her put in the last 4-5 pieces. I need to start another one. I love doing them. They are great to keep my mind busy when I have a lot of things going on. I had some stuff in my head last night and I knew I wouldn't be able to go to sleep so I just worked on the puzzle until I felt sleepy and ready for bed.

My brother had his knee surgery and has been released from the hospital. I went up to see him yesterday before he was released. Kori and I took him some bone sugar cookies as well as the picture Kori drew for him. It was of my brother laying in bed with his leg propped up. She had a bag (think IV type bag) hanging beside his bed. I asked her if that was his medicine and she said "Nope that's where his pee goes. You know like when you had the girls." Oh the things they remember.

Well that's it for me. I think I'll hit the showers. Bring on Monday...time to face another week.

"I Gooey"

Catchy little title huh? Well that was Morgan's announcement today. I had told her several times that she was goofy. She proudly walked up to me later and proclaimed "I gooey". It was sooooooo sweet! They were exceptionally wonderfully awesomely awesome today. They played so well together with little or no intervention from mommy which is always nice. I was able to empty the dishwasher, do 4 small loads of laundry, make Kori's bed, vacuum the kitchen floor (well I did that twice but whatever), vacuum Kori's room (well that whole floor), the living room, entry way and two sets of stairs. Man it's nice to feel productive. I also cooked dinner, cleaned up the mess and had all the kiddos cleaned and jammied by 7pm!!! Woo hoo! Look out, momma is on a roll.

I put the trio down at 8:30. At 10:45 Alexis and Morgan finally gave up and went to sleep. They weren't being naughty just having a night-time fun-fest in there. Kamryn hung out with them for a while but about 10:15 she gave up to her need for sleep and left the party. The other two kept on going and didn't disturb her a bit. I am preparing for the day many years down the road when Alexis tells me that she is a stripper. Keeping that girl in clothes could be a full time job. She just loves to take them off. I put her jammy pants on her twice tonight. Morgan decided it would be a good time to take a poop too...those silly kids! They love to poop during what should be nap time or before what should be bedtime. Oh well, at least I noticed it before she was asleep.

Today I went to let the dog out. I was one oh maybe 30 seconds and when I came up I heard Morgan: "Uh oh". Alexis: "Hiiiiiiiiiiii" Kamryn: "Mommy". They were getting into the wipes. They like to wipe their noses with them and then string them all over the place.

When I went to let the dog in and found the cat barf (thanks ever so much Simon...as if I don't deal with enough human body secretions on a daily basis you must add to my mix) I was gone for about 3-4 minutes. I returned to find they had all taken their socks off. Not to mention the movies they got out of the drawer. Leave them alone for a second and they will find something to get into that they aren't supposed to. Thankfully the living room is kid friendly and they are gated in. Whew!

Well I think I'll go curl up with my book for a while before turning in. I was showered before 10pm tonight! Will wonders never cease?

I Have A Problem

The first step is admitting it right? I need to go to Phish (prounounced fish) food eaters anonymous. If you haven't had it you are missing out. It's a Ben & Jerry's ice cream that is TO DIE FOR!!!! It's chocolate ice cream with swirls of marshmallow and caramel in it. Then there are these cute little fudgy cruncy fish swirled throughout. I got a pint yesterday at QuikTrip (sadly it's gone now...sniff, sniff sniff!) and was thrilled to see that since it's their 10-year anniversary for it it's a special surf and turf edition. So in addition to the fudgy fish there were little fudgy cows. Oh yummy yum yum!

See I told you I had a problem!

One of THOSE days...

That describes yesterday! Kori got me up at 3am with tummy woes. She came in bed with Jason and I and tossed and turned and sighed until about 6am before she finally fell back asleep. She stayed home from school and was better by afternoon. She was just nauseous and not feeling great, no puking thank goodness. Kamryn and Alexis were whiney, clinging crying messes all day. Kamryn had two temper tantrums over a book that she kept wanting to take from anyone who had it but her. She didn't want it when it wasn't being played with but the minute that someone else touched it, be prepared for a complete meltdown. **Sigh** Alexis and Kamryn are both teething and I believe that is the root of all the problems.

I can handle fussy kids, don't get me wrong. But add to the fact that I was tired, had a splitting headache, that only made things worse. Then Kori decided she should pester the little ones and that only made things even more awful. Jason had off-duty from 4:30-7:30 and then headed off to his regular overnight shift, so it was just the girls and I. It was one of those nights where I just sat and watched the clock waiting for bedtime. I hate when I have those days. They make me feel like the worse mom on the planet. I hate being "that mom" but it happens. After talking to my mom for a bit, a good cry and a talk with Jason on the phone before bed, I was feeling somewhat better. I fell asleep repeating my "life saving mantra" tomorrow will be better, tomorrow will be better, tomorrow will be better...over and over. That simple chant keeps me going. It gives me hope. That and all the praying I do when I feel a bit overwhelmed. Somedays everything is just an effort to get done. Yesterday was that day. I feel a bit beaten and down, but I put faith in the fact that God chose me to be the mother of these wonderful girls for a reason and I have to keep plugging along, even on the days that's not so easy. I am probably a little harder on myself that I should be, but that's just me.

The whole evening yesterday I had a pit of anxiety in my chest just nagging at me. Today thankfully it's gone and it was a much better day. I even lost track of time and realized it was time to put the kiddos to bed...what a difference a day makes.

Kori was feeling better today and headed off to school. She was missed by her friends and Ms. Phillips so that made her feel good. Her new haircut was noticed too. It really does fit her sassy/spunky personality.

I made doubled hand battered chicken fried steaks tonight, mashed potatoes and gravy, corn and biscuits for dinner. It was yummy! Jason was in heaven as it's one of his favorite meals. It makes me feel good to put a nice dinner on the table for my family. Especially following a day like yesterday where I had a hard time finding one good thing to mention about the whole darn day.

The girls are talking so much more! It's a riot! Morgan babbles a lot. She concentrates very hard on what she is telling you...now if I only knew what she was saying. I just make her feel like I get what she's told me and I think it's as important as she does. She is the little mommy of the trio. If one of the others is crying she will try and soothe them in any way possible. Today Alexis was upset and Morgan gave her the magna-doodle in an attempt to distract her and make her feel better. She will often go find the blanket Alexis carries around or Kam's cloth diaper (lovey) that she totes around if they are upset and brings it to them. It melts my heart! She was so good yesterday that I wanted to take her and lock her and I in my bedroom for the rest of the night to hide from the "others".

Kamryn was back to her normal silly self today. No tantrums or screaming fits. Thank goodness!

Alexis was back to freely handing out her many wonderful hugs. She loves to have the ABC's sung to her. She says "A, B" over and over and then sways back and forth. It's an absolute kill.

After whining to Jason last night I took a deep breath and told him that no matter how bad the day had been I wouldn't change one single thing. I am lucky and blessed and I must NEVER forget that...no matter if I feel like running screaming from this house some days.

I havent' mentioned it in a while but I will now. I'M SICK OF THE NIGHT SHIFT JASON IS ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM OVER, OVER, OVER IT!!!!!! Okay, I feel better now. It will be one year in February since he put his transfer into the day shift. Now if one of those fossils would move on and make some room for him. :-) Oh a girl can dream huh????

All of that being said, I must bid adieu! I am going to recollect some sanity tonight and do a little reading for 1/2 and hour or so before bed!

Done

The beds have been changed. Furniture dusted. Floors vacuumed. Kitchen and all bathrooms hand mopped. Ceiling fans cleaned. Blinds dusted. I'm tired! It was hard work but it smells so fresh and clean now! With the warmer weather I opened a couple of windows and aired everything out. Too bad it's going to get yucky again!

Kori got her hair cut yesterday. About 4 inches or so. It's just below her shoulders now and after the initial horror for mommy, I must admit she looks so sweet! It totally fits her personality too!

Well I'm keeping it short, I'm pooped. I promise to be more lively and humorous this upcoming week!

WOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!

My beloved Jayhawks who for so long have sucked so bad at football are the winners of the FedEx Orange Bowl!!!!!!!!!!! YAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a great game and I enjoyed watching them win.

Now I can concentrate on the remainder of the basketball season!!!

Like a bad rash...

I am back!

I am going to sum up the week of 12/17 as follows:

Monday 12-17 Kori's 6th birthday. Her special birthday meal request...Burger King! Yuck! Oh well, it was her choice, over anything else out and anything I offered to cook her.

Tuesday 12-18 Giving Alexis a bath and she poops in the tub. She's a dainty little tiny girl. The poop NOT SO MUCH! I'll spare you the gory details, but it scared her and didn't exactly thrill me either.

Wednesday 12-19 Discovered after Kori's holiday party (that I volunteered at) that my keys had fallen out of my purse as I picked it up off the drivers seat with my hands that were super loaded down, and said keys were now locked securely inside my car. Jason had my extra set at his off-duty job all the way across town. My sister came and picked Kori and I up (no Mother of the Year nominations for me for that one!) and we met a buddy of Jason's that was working with him 1/2 way and he gave me my extra set of keys. Man I felt like a goober!

Thursday 12-20 Ran a bunch of pre-Christmas errands with Kori. She was in "one of those moods" that day and I'm certain she was trying to drive me crazy. Like when she proclaimed "Mommy look" to which she pointed out the lovely Picasso-esque "painting" she did on the back of my cloth seats with her wet/muddy/melted snow covered shoes. Grrrrr! Anyway our last errand was to finally mail my very late Christmas cards. Happy to get that task done! Drat I remembered I forgot to return a movie back to the Redbox stand at McDonald's that we had rented the night before. Jason would do it on his way to the gym. "It's on the front seat" I told him. "No it's not" be annoyingly informed me. "Sure it is. I put it there with my....gulp Christmas cards! OH NO!" Yep you guessed it, it was mailed with my cards. I managed to call the post office in question and thankfully they pulled the mail just after I put my cards in and had the movie set aside. Man did I feel like a heel going in to get that. Duh!

Friday 12-21 Took my nephew to the mall. Jason and all the kiddos went too. It was a bit crazy but things went okay and we got some things accomplished. Getting out of the parking lot took us a mere 25-minutes. It was all going good until bam! Rear ended! Great! We had been stopped for about 40 seconds and were just chatting amongst ourselves. Alexis and Morgan decided to fall asleep. Thankfully there was no damage to either car and no one was hurt. Lex and Morgan slept through it all.

Saturday 12-22 Went to the store etc. for last minute Christmas stuff and got caught in a freezing ice storm. Not to mention it was FREEZING! It was supposed to turn to snow but we got more sleet than anything. That put a damper on my evening plans with the Faron's to meet up with Matt and Christy. I was looking so forward to seeing them and getting out for a bit. **Sigh**

Sunday 12-23 Baked the majority of the day. It felt goooooood! I don't do it as much as I used to and it felt so great to be in the kitchen doing it! Jason was awesome with the girls and let me go to down.

In a nutshell that was my crappy week. Things got better from there. Our Christmas was great and very laid back which was nice.

Yikes!

It's been so long since I've blogged I forgot my password!

Alas, this will be a short one. Kori was having trouble falling asleep tonight so I had to go and lay with her for a while. That put my shower later and cut into a bit of my computer time.

I am trying hard to stick with my resolution of going to bed earlier, so I must keep this short.

I will say however that we had a great holiday season and we are all alive and well!

More of our crazy life tomorrow I promise!

(Thanks for missing me Liz! :-) )