Swimming Lessons

Kori started them today and didn't drown. That's always a plus right??? She was checking out all the instructors when we got there and was deciding which one(s) would be for her group. Wouldn't you know it, her two, weren't any of the 8-10 pretty young girls, nope, she got the two late-teen guys. Figures. I personally have nothing against them, but Kori was less than thrilled to have Evan and John and not one of the other pretty "girls that look really nice" as her instructors. I encouraged her to give them a chance before shoving her in their direction and fleeing the pool area.

I was looking forward to 45-minutes of uninterrupted reading. Oh the joy! That never happens! Well not during daylight hours anyway. I take my book, Kori's bag with clothes, flip flops etc. in it, and my water and head for the very uncomfortable aluminum bleachers that would be my home for the next 43 minutes by now. I take my spot. Give Kori an encouraging smile through the glass and assume the position, with book in hand.

Things are going good. I periodically look up and see my girl floating and kicking right along with everyone else. I silently pray she has her mothers water abilities and not her "swims like a rock" father. (Some day I'll recount his near drowning in the ocean in San Diego...I kid you NOT!) Any way, back to my book.

After about 15 minutes or so a lady and her two kids, say 5 and 10-11 sit down in the row in front of me, slightly to the right. Okay no problem. No quite as quiet as I was looking for, but it's a good book and I think I can tune them out easily enough.

I take a quick break, scan the pool, spot my kiddo, grab a drink of my water and prepare for more reading, when out of the blue, the oldest kid, uh, what's the correct wording I'm looking for...oh hell, you know me, I'm the most un "PC" person around. He let one rip! Yep that's right, cut the cheese, dusted the crops, tooted, passed gas, whatever you want to call it, he did it. Thankfully I had swallowed my water or it might have come shooting out my mouth, nose etc.

I'm not naive, I know this is a regular body function. I know that kids, well, kids are kids. I have four of them. They find "tooting" to be quite entertaining and it always elicits LOTS of giggles. I do encourage them to remain civil about it, especially in public. I would hope they'd never just "let it rip" for the whole world to hear. I was just surprised that the mother and younger brother both acted as if nothing had happened. The boy himself, the releaser of said gas, not so much as a chuckle, excuse me, N-O-T-H-I-N-G! AMAZING! Now mind you, we were sitting on aluminum bleachers which do NOTHING to muffle the sound of it. If anything it amplified it and reverberated it even more. Still they said/did nothing and kept on sitting there as if all was right with the world.

Well I managed to not giggle or cause attention to be drawn to me in any way. I waited until I got in the car and called my sister to inform her. She's crude, like me, I knew she'd appreciate it. She did! She informed me I should have done the same in return and challenged him to a nice game of "Fart Tennis". Damn, why didn't I think about that? Wouldn't that have been great!

Him: Riiiiip!
Me: Good one! (Riiiiiip!) Your turn, we're tied 1-1!

Oh man the fun! Too bad I'd NEVER in a million years do that in public.

Okay, I've been uncouth enough, it's late, and I should retire for the evening.

More swimming lessons on Thursday! I cannot wait to see what happens then!

**NOTE** I feel that child protective services might need to be notified. Jason was in charge of dinner for himself and the trio since swimming lessons were right in the middle of dinner. He fed them....Hamburger Helper! GROSS! GROSS! GROSS! Kamryn had seconds even! I call that, Child Abuse in a box!!!!!!!! I will cook before I go on Thursday to spare their intestines of further assault!