Out of Sync

Nope, not a new boy-band, just my mood. Do you ever feel like that? Just out of sync with everything? That's me.

I think part of it is the weather.

Part of it is my 90-year old body.

I'm tired of Jason and the whole night-shift thing. (I know everyone is tired of hearing me whine about that and I'm sorry, truly I am). I think my body wouldn't hurt so bad if Jason was here in the evenings to help out more often with bathing, diapering, lifting in/out of high chairs for snack time/teeth brushing/putting in cribs for bed. Somedays it's just frustrating. It's been a year now that his transfer has been in and nothing yet. I am tired of having 100% of all the responsiblities fall on me every night. I'm tired of sleeping alone. I'm tired of having to tip toe around the house during the day trying to stay as quiet as someone with small kids can. I'm tired of running errands in the evening and having to hurry home so he can get ready for work.

I also think my expectations of my husband are too high for him to ever be able to achieve. I love him with all my heart, but some days I want to strangle him! (Not literally in case anyone is fearing for his safety right now). There are just things he could do, that he doesn't. I don't think he intends to, for some reason he's just wired different and "doesn't think about stuff like that". **Sigh** Somedays I feel alone, even though I have Jason and my girls and my family and a few good friends. Sometimes I talk to Jason and I know he doesn't hear a word I've said. If I were square and black and came in HD I know he would hear/see/listen/pay attention to me. Maybe I need to talk in sports lingo to him, maybe whatever language I am using is just foreign to him. I should throw in a touch-down here or a home-run there. Then maybe it would sink it.

I think this is all normal and such, but maybe writing it down will help me feel more in-sync. I have a lot of responsiblity and although I am 34 I think that's still pretty young.

Okay, whine over, you may now resume your regularly scheduled programming.