She's Two? Already?

Where does the time go? It seems like only yesterday I was at the hospital (ALL DAY!!!!) waiting for my sister to give birth to my niece Mallory. I can remember sitting in the chair waiting, and waiting and waiting. Wondering if she was really coming. Okay, all kidding aside. I remember the day like it was yesterday seriously! I remember what I was wearing, how the weather was, it's odd. But yet two years have passed! How can that be? I had only known for two days that I was having triplets. I was still super nervous about that but in disbelief that my little, baby sister was actually having a child. Ack! Kidding again! About the ACK! part anyway.

Now today I was at her 2nd birthday party. A much smaller shindig than last year. In an attempt to scale down the madness Becky only invited family. It was nice and Mallory got lots of great loot and had a great time. But two years already???? Sigh...

The girls had fun as well. They enjoyed bouncing from person to person. I'm convinced Alexis would go to Jack The Ripper if the opportunity presented itself. She would go from my mom, to my brother-in-law's mom, to his brother, it was too funny. She'd just walk up to them and hold her arms up as if to say "Hey moron, pick me up". It was too cute. They are getting too big too. I just want to stop time for a little while. It goes too fast!

My brother and sister-in-law decided not to show up. Sigh. Apparently my brother has made mention that it somewhat bothers him that my parents don't spend as much time with his two girls as they do with "the other grand kids". Now I translated that to mean my kids because my parents do see them the most. I need their help on occasion. I try to do as much of it as I can, but sometimes it's just not possible. I have apologized to my sister and told her if it bothers her to please tell me and not be upset about it without me knowing. I have tended to my girls alone since they were five weeks old. I dealt with horrible reflux with Kamryn. Bad sleeping habits with Morgan and Kamryn for a long time. Illness, the aftermath of shots, general disorder and discord at bedtime occasionally, you name it. I had five people last year pooping and puking (sorry TMI) with the stomach flu and I did it A LONE! And I try really hard not to complain. I battle some anxiety/panic issues every now and then, but I just keep going. I have too, there are no other options. There have been times that my parents have sat with the girls so that I could take one or another to the doctor, or sat with all three so that I can be involved in Kori's school activities. I guess that makes my parents and I bad people. I get so frustrated!!! I hate that they are doing this to my parents. My mom and dad love ALL THEIR GRANDCHILDREN EQUALLY!!!!! I hate that they are once again with holding their grand kids from them again. They are horrible to get in contact with. They live about 45-minutes away. They don't have an answering machine and are rarely home on the weekends. How is anyone supposed to go and spend time with them? I tried to make fried chicken for them but their schedule and an illness with one of their girls kept putting it off. I just don't get it. I hate that I have taken time away from the other grand kids for needing some help now and then. I have even been taking them out alone some. I've done a well-child check-up alone, the check-up included shots too. I did flu-shots alone. I've taken them to Walmart with the help of Kori once. I took them to Toys-R-Us alone on Monday because I don't like to inconvenience anyone. Friends are few and far between since the girls arrival. I have a few that I know I can depend on no matter what. Some I thought were "true friends" aren't. I have a very small family that is local. Jason's family is all out of town. I don't know what they expect of me. I'm trying to be diplomatic about the whole thing. I'm trying to decide if it will be best to try and call them to discuss it, write a letter or email so nothing gets heated or misunderstood, or just give up and say piss on them! Forgive my boldness. It's just so frustrating. This isn't the first time they've checked themselves out of the family. Sigh...

I must admit I've been in a funk since we put up our Christmas tree last Monday. The girls are doing great with it. I've won that battle and I am so proud. No gate up to protect the tree and the girls rarely ever give it a 2nd glance. On occasion they will stand and look at the ornaments, but generally leave them alone! Chalk one up to team mom!!! Wahoo! Anyway back to my thoughts. I have been, well I guess blah is a good description for it. I feel so bummed and blue. My sister Margaret LOVED Christmas and anything associated with it. This was her time of year. For some reason this year it's really hitting me hard. I cry at the drop of a hat. Sometimes for a reason, sometimes not. I know she wouldn't want me to be like this but I can't shake it. We were close. I'm close with both of my sisters. We have a weird bond. Becky and I talk EVERY DAY. (It drives our hubby's nuts :-) ) I used to talk to Margaret at least once everyday, plus we worked together. Not saying that I always get along with them. That would be unrealistic. Of course we have our disagreements, but we always manage to move on. It's been four years this past August that Maggie left us. Why does it still hurt as much today as it did that dreaded hot and humid August Monday. Why do I still long for her to call and interrupt dinner like she did everyday. I wish she could "know" my girls. She loved Kori so much! I know that she would love the trio and Mallory just as much. She would enjoy seeing Cody grow into a handsome young man. Will it ever get easier or less raw? I think that's what is causing my mood. I really need to try and shake it. I hate being glum. This is depressing to read I'm sure, let's move on.

On a funny note my husband about gave me a stroke the other night. I called him before bed like I do every night. (Still sick of the night shift by the way!!!) We chatted for a couple of seconds before he says "Honey I did a bad thing". Now all kinds of horrible things popped into my mind. Was he involved in another shooting? A wreck? A police chase? Is he hurt? In trouble? Oh what could it be! I had a horrible feeling in my stomach. So I hesitantly ask what it was. He then tells me....."I forgot to put on deodorant tonight". Huh? Deodorant? That's IT? That was your "bad" thing. I guess anyone who came in contact with his arm pits wouldn't have been too happy about it, but seriously. It's in the low 30's...is it really a bit deal? Now if it were the middle of the summer I'd understand. I also pointed out he could run into a store that's open 24-hours, buy another stick and keep it at work for the times he has another Alzheimer's moment. Men...(shaking head now). All kidding aside I'm glad he was well and uninjured. Took me a bit to get my stomach to calm down.

I'll leave with this conversation I had with Kori the other day.

Kori: Mom I ate most of my lunch.
Me: Oh that's GREAT! (This is a problem for us...she eats like a bird at school)

Kori: Yeah, I figured I better or you were going to bust me in my head.
Me: Huh? Where'd you hear that?

Kori: I'm not sure, but I think you might have said it before.
Me: Was I kidding? That doesn't sound like something I would say.

Kori: I don't know, but I thought about it today as I ate my lunch.

It's the little things huh?